31 March 2010

Thanks for Reading

looking backward
looking forward
on this palindromic day
a hard tasked ending
a new one starting
as I continue on this way

each day a poem
the last twelve months
although some were posted late
i tried my best
and wrote my heart
although not all turned out so great

if you’ve been reading
then i thank you
and you will continue to
as i try for mone more year
each day a poem
and some days two

©2010-Art Belliveau

30 March 2010

too safe 03/30/10

too safe

too much civilization
helps us
to lose touch
with the world

safely enclosed
in our climate controlled
glass and steel and concrete
boxes

not feeling nature

not being one
with the
primitive world

merely
observing it
studying it

from a close difference
that is
too far
removed

©2010-Art Belliveau



©2010-Art Belliveau

29 March 2010

senryu 03/29/10

a sick little girl
coughing, throat sore, miserable
i feel so helpless

©2010-Art Belliveau

shadorma 3/28/10

days drag on and on
each seems an eternity
when they're taken one by one

but the years speed by
weeks melt to months melt to years
when they're taken together

©2010-Art Belliveau

senryu 03/27/10

a beautiful day
the first one in quite a while
and i'm stuck inside

©2010-Art Belliveau

26 March 2010

senryu 03/26/10

barbecue never
ever tastes better than on
a Friday in Lent

©2010-Art Belliveau

senryu 03/26/10

the harder i grasp
the more desperately I cling
the faster you go

©2010-Art Belliveau

haiku 03/25/10

beautiful sunshine
illuminates everything
i am a shadow

©2010-Art Belliveau

24 March 2010

senryu 03/24/10

why am i awake?
exhaustion passed long ago
but i cannot sleep

©2010-Art Belliveau

23 March 2010

Reading at Books-a-Million 03/23/10

you read to me yesterday
from a "real" book
a book with small type
and very few pictures

as i looked at your
child's body
sprawled confidently
in the gray chair

other images
superimposed
in my mind's eye--

you as an infant
giggling and smiling
up at me from your crib

you as a toddler
rushing up to me
as i picked you up from
the babysitter
looking at me like
i was the hero of your world

you in the future
mature and composed
poised and strong
ready to take on
whatever life
throws at you

and the love welled up
a roaring in my head
momentarily
drowning out your words

as you continue growing
remember this always
you are loved
more than you can know

©2010-Art Belliveau

senryu 03/22/10

in the chill water
playing with my sweet daughter
I am filled with warmth

©2010-Art Belliveau

Compassion 03/21/10

I stood there
shivering
scared.

They were going to kill me.
Just me, not the man
who was with me.
But they had a plan.
They would use me
to trap him.
They brought me to him
told him what I'd done
and asked him if I should be stoned.

He did not answer right away.
He stood in thought and then
squatted down and began
to write in the dirt.
I could not read the words
but I could read the faces
of the elders who brought me.

They were scared. mad, embarrassed.
They were ashamed
as they read the words he scribbled.
He stood and told them,
"Let he who is without sin
cast the first stone."

Then he again squatted down
and began to write.
As one would start to look
for a stone to hurl at me
he would see the words and blanche.
Soon they began to drift away.
The elders first.
Quietly. Stealthily.

In minutes that dragged like years
the square emptied
leaving only him
and me.

I could not move.
I was too scared.
I looked down at the words
and
though I could not read
I understood them.

My sins were laid bare before me.
As bare as I had so recently been.
The words tore at me
harder than stones.
Flaying not my skin,
but my soul.

He looked up.
He looked around us,
unsurprised
that we were left alone.

"Woman," he said sternly,
"Does no one condemn you?"

"No. Lord," I replied.

A look of infinite compassion
came over his face.
"Neither do I."

I almost fainted as the weight
of all my sins
evaporated from me.

"Go forth and sin no more."

I left him and went home.
To my family.
To my husband.
And did my best
to sin no more.


©2010-Art Belliveau

One More Day 03/20/10

If I can make it one more day,
then I can rest, at home, and stay.
Close my eyes and night and lay
my weary head down and drift away
on dream clouds till the break of day.
Then back to work, to earn my pay
and when it's rough,
then I will say,
"If I can make it one more day..."

©2010-Art Belliveau

senryu 03/19/10

spikes of light stab me
a fly's flapping wing deafens
enhanced by headache

©2010-Art Belliveau

teacher's lament 03/18/10

when i hold out my hand
it gets batted away
but still i keep trying
gotta find a way
a way to reach them
so they will believe
i'm trying to help them
i'm not the enemy
but i keep getting cast
as the heavy--the villain
and i'm here to tell you
that part ain't so thrillin'
but when i ease up
try to give them a break
too many see weakness
& go insane till i take
control back real harshly
& then they get mad
"he's always yellin' and mean"
it's so sad
but my job is not
to make them my friends
my job is to teach them
and it just never ends

©2010-Art Belliveau

17 March 2010

waiting 03/17/10

waiting
never quite sure for what
or for who
or even if i really am
waiting
for anything at all

©2010-Art Belliveau

failure/success diamante 03/16/10


failure
hard, instructive
working, striving, learning
spur, incentive, consummation, triumph
succeeding, culminating, thriving
difficult, instructive
success


©2010-Art Belliveau

emptiness 03/15/10

there is an ache
inside of me
an empty place
filling with pain
tender
swelling
expanding past where
i am able
to control it

©2010-Art Belliveau

Prodigal Son diamante 03/14/10


Prodigal Son
wasteful, foolish
spending, drinking, whoring
wastrel, penitent, worker, dogmatist
trudging, toiling, obeying
inflexible, incredulous
Prodigal’s Brother


©2010-Art Belliveau

not enough or too much 03/13/10

sometimes a blessing
can become a curse
life-giving water
a drowning flood
the warmth of the fire
a blazing inferno
where is the line between
not enough and too much

©2010-Art Belliveau

senryu 03/12/10

cotton fills my head
slowing my thoughts--like deep mud
sucking me deeper

©2010-Art Belliveau

11 March 2010

Life in the Slow Lane

you only see the fork in the road
and not the road ahead
and at full speed you travel on
as choice by choice you shred

past the many different paths
you go by too quickly to explore
you take the path of least resistance
all the others you ignore

you cannot see a future
you’re too shackled by your past
the only thing you think to do
is to keep on moving fast

but moving fast can be a hindrance
to getting to where you want to go
take your time as you are growing
there’s no shame in going slow

when you see the path you want
follow it to where it leads
and as you travel down it
you will see you’re planting seeds

seeds that grow into your future
maturing in their own good time
setting down the roots you’ll need
to make it to your prime

trees do not grow quickly
use their example--do not rush
take your time to grow your future
and your future will be lush

©2010-Art Belliveau

10 March 2010

Freedom Is... 3/10/10

Freedom Is...

A fast car on an empty highway
traveling wherever it wants to go
A butterfly
flitting where it will
A loose balloon
floating untethered into the sky
An angel
blessing me

©2010-Art Belliveau

09 March 2010

Moving Forward 3/09/10

moving at your own pace
following your internal compass
mapping out your own path
every day more new discoveries
on your voyage into
your unknown future


©2010-Art Belliveau

08 March 2010

tanka 03/08/10

two knights in full garb
joyfully strike back and forth
in a quiet spot
around them on the playground
children echo their laughter

©2010-Art Belliveau

senryu 03/07/10

burned but not consumed
the light of I Am Who Am
eternal brightness

©2010-Art Belliveau

senryu 03/06/10

laughter, squeals, and tears
echoing through the playground
childhood's wild soundtrack

©2010-Art Belliveau

haiku 03/05/10

an abandoned nest
perched on the trees bare branches
will it stay empty?

©2010-Art Belliveau

senryu 03/04/10

running and falling
a quick glance shows no one saw
so back to playtime

©2010-Art Belliveau

03 March 2010

senryu 03/03/10

nerd, dork, geek, dweeb, spaz:
just some of the many names
i've been saddled with

©2010-Art Belliveau

senryu 03/03/10

soul crushing boredom
mixed with stark anxiety
AHSGE*


©2010-Art Belliveau


*Alabama High School Graduation Exam

Blind Spots (Revision of Blinded by the Test)

I am more
than just a score
more than
a number
this is what you
never see

You do not see
the hours I work
to bring home money
to pay for food
to pay for rent
because my father ignores
his child support

You do not see
my infant son
up crying all night
no one to comfort him
but me

You do not see
the empty stomach
which I could not fill
at home
and was too late to fill
at school

You do not see
me at home
speaking my native language
at home with my parents
who know no other
you see only my struggles and flaws
with this new one
I am learning

You do not see
their expectations
weighing me down
tying my stomach in knots
flooding my brain with panic
desperately afraid
I won't measure up

You do not see
because I hide them
in shame
bruises on my body
from last night's beating

You do not see
my hopelessness
my anger
my boredom
my fear
or maybe you do
and just don’t care

You keep your numbers
Don’t label me
with them
for there is more to me
than all your tests
will ever be able
to see

©2010-Art Belliveau

Blinded by the Test

I am more
than just a score
more than
a number
this is what you
never see

You do not see
my infant son
up crying all night
no one to comfort him
but me

You do not see
the empty stomach
which I could not fill
at home
and was too late to fill
at school

You do not see
me at home
speaking my native language
at home with my parents
who know no other
you see only my struggles and flaws
with this new one
I am learning

You do not see
my hopelessness
my anger
my boredom
my fear
or maybe you do
and just don’t care

You keep your numbers
Don’t label me
with them
for there is more to me
than all your tests
will ever be able
to see

©2010-Art Belliveau

02 March 2010

Sick 03/02/10

When I woke up for school today,
I just knew that I was sick.
My throat was full of coughing,
And my tummy full of ick

I told mommy I had a fever,
She reached down and felt my head.
Then she looked real close at me,
and said, “Get out of bed.”

I think I know what’s caused this,
But you don’t need a day of rest.
You need to go to school today,
You have to take that test.”

And so I went to school today.
I took the test.
(I got an A!)

©2010-Art Belliveau

as if 03/01/10

it is as if
they believe--
truly BELIEVE--
that the answers
on this multiple choice test
will be the same as
the answers to life’s questions
about me and my future

if only it were so

©2010-Art Belliveau

senryu 02/28/10

the smell of chlorine
always takes me back to when
summers were care free

©2010-Art Belliveau

haiku 02/27/10

the tide surges out
under the moon’s watchful eye
leaving emptiness

©2010-Art Belliveau

senryu 02/26/10

so close to the edge
balanced precariously
wonder if i’ll fall

©2010-Art Belliveau