Dancing Running Free

In my head I am dancing
even as I sit behind this desk
and quietly take out the paper and pencil
for the next in an infinite series of tests and quizzes

In my heart I am running free
not shackled to your expectations
not weighed down by your disapproval
of my wanting to go to the bathroom for god’s sake

In my soul I am free
free from the corporate controlled curriculum
and the testing companies that see me as
their next subprime market
and teachers who are desperate to keep me here
so that tomorrow they will have a job
and a country,
the Land of the Free,
where we voluntarily chain ourselves to
the drone of consumerism

The questions you are asking me
will never lead me to the answers
that I will need to find on my own
about how to be a good person in a world
where no one cares

©2016-Art Belliveau

seventh graders

seventh graders
frantic, hormonal
talking, laughing, crying
life's a roller coaster
my kids

©2015-Art Belliveau

Late April Inservice

Wednesday, after school, an inservice class meets
in the library to talk about iPads.
Nervously, the anxious instructor smiles, greets
us, tries to put us at ease, knowing we've scads
of things we'd really rather be doing now.
It's spring, we're antsy, so she'll have to allow
for our fatigue--we're almost slap happy here--
as we learn new things that will help us--next year.

©2015-Art Belliveau

Grading Papers

Sitting alone in my room,
Grading papers after class.
Wanting desperately to give good grades,

But knowing I will deal out fair grades.
The only way to give them growing room
When they all come back to class.

And I know that tomorrow, in class,
When I hand them back their grades,
I'll have to motivate the room.

"Class, remember, with revision there is room to raise your grades."


©2015-Art Belliveau

Looking for a Metaphor

I thought
for a long time
that I was a catalyst.
I was there to speed up
and sometimes start
my students and their thinking.
A catalyst in chemical reactions
does that.
And I was proud of my metaphor.
Until...
Not being a science teacher,
I discovered my understanding
of a catalyst was flawed.
A catalyst does indeed start
and/or speed up a chemical reaction--
but in doing so,
it remains unchanged.
And after twenty-eight years of teaching
there is one thing I am sure of...
teaching all these kids has changed me.
So I think I need a different metaphor--
I am not the same person
who started this ride so long ago.
I am different in ways both good and bad
but there is no way
I could do this
and remain
unaffected.

©2015-Art Belliveau

Room 509

my classroom
after school
teachers joking
students leaving
chairs on desks
lights out
resting
planning
grading
ten months a year
my second home

©2015-Art Belliveau

test week

wasting my time
spinning my wheels
another week gone
unnecessary stress
test week 2015

©2015-Art Belliveau

empty walls

empty walls
posters taken down
so boring
desolate
testing takes priority
over teaching kids


©2015-Art Belliveau

late Sunday night

late Sunday night
the stars hide behind clouds
and the windblown rain
taps the windows for attention
i drowse on and off on the couch
as my unfinished lesson plans call
and my ungraded papers nag
pulling me back from the brink
each time i begin to fall

tomorrow comes too soon


©2015-Art Belliveau

Need

"I need a pencil!"
this cry is flung out to the universe
or maybe just the classroom
or maybe aimed just for me
i have lost count
of how many times
i hear this
every single day
i hear this
"I need a pencil!"
shouted out plaintively
so many
many times
and the simplicity of this need
makes me a little jealous
i think of all the things that i need
and find my needs are not so simple
nor so simply met:
i need love and closeness
i need space
i need people
i need for those people to respect my boundaries
i need my family
i need them in my life
but not too close
(600 miles is just about right)
i need to feel like
        in this life that i have been granted
that i have been useful
that i have made some kind of a difference
even if it is just the difference
of whether or not
a student's need for a pencil is met
"Here's a pencil. Get to work."
i just hope
i just need
for this to NOT be
the only difference i make today

©2015-Art Belliveau

Sisyphus

So many days on my teaching journey
all I seem to do is try to make the slightest headway
and my Students seem to be working on their resistance
when i was Younger, it didn't seem so hard
it seemed i just Played with them, and they learned
and it just effortlessly Happened, though that cannot be correct
because memories don't reflect reality Under most circumstances
So the effort i put in before slides past my awareness as i continue slogging on.

©2015-Art Belliveau

27 Down--?? to Go

another school year winding down

this is the 27th time
i've made it to the finish line

more exhausted than i remember being
i cannot help but wonder
do i have another race left in me?


©2014-Art Belliveau

End of the School Year Shadorma

another year's
coming to an end
patience frays
spirit flags
i need a reset button--
that's what summer's for


©2014-Art Belliveau

End of the Year (4/25)

with less than a month of school to go
it's hard to tell who's more restless
(the students -- the teachers)
as another year winds down

it's hard to tell who's more restless
everyone's tempers are getting shorter
as another year winds down
as we wait for that last day

everyone's tempers are getting shorter
the stresses are starting to show
as we wait that last day
it cannot get here soon enough

the stresses are starting to show
soon though the summer will begin and
it cannot get here soon enough
all of us count down the days

soon though the summer will begin and
(the students -- the teachers)
all of us count down the days
with less than a month of school to go

©2014-Art Belliveau

two senryu (4/24)

i sit with these kids
their disrespect is galling
they're oblivious

juggling paper
instead of doing his work
he just has no clue

©2014-Art Belliveau

the question (4/18)

the other day
in my second period class
i was on fire!

i had those kids right there
in the palm of my hand

i was making grammar
GRAMMAR
relevant to them
it was a sight to behold

in the front row she sat
eyes shining
head nodding along
rapt attention personified

i gave the assignment
and asked if there were any questions

up went her hand
shooting toward the ceiling
like a rocket
and I was ready for it
ready to go deeper
to be more nuanced

I gave her the nod

then she asked it
"what are we supposed to be doing?"


©2014-Art Belliveau

short sighted

when you look at me
what do you see?
someone sitting
silent
doing nothing more than
wasting time with
of all things
reading?

you only see the outside
though
you cannot see
what is going on
inside my head
my heart
my soul

iinside i am no longer
sitting on a chair
holding a book in my hand
i am transported
moved through time and space
living adventures
and meeting new people
learning and laughing
and even loving
experiencing soaring highs as
i succeed
and crushing defeats as
i am beaten--but not broken

there is much more going on
than you can ever see
when all you ever look at
is the outside of a reader
the outside of
a book

©2014-Art Belliveau

choices

the quizzes are graded
the lesson plans done
the lunches are made
for the day yet to come

there's a book by my bedside
that begs to be read
well, maybe tomorrow
i need sleep instead

©2014-Art Belliveau

ceiling fan

some days
after saying the same thing
over and over
class after class
sometimes
student by student
i feel less like a teacher
and more like a ceiling fan
going around and around
getting nowhere
doing nothing
but moving air around

©2014-Art Belliveau

the juggler

he starts off slowly
three balls in the air
admittedly
it’s a bit rough at first
but
before long
he’s juggling them with
skill and dexterity
then
he adds a fourth and fifth ball
a sixth and a seventh
then he decides
to change things up
he gets rid of one ball
trading it
for a knife
then repeats the process
until all the balls
have been replaced
now
juggling nothing but knives
he lifts up one foot
balancing on the other
finally
he culminates the show
lifting the other foot
and floating in the air
knives twirling in graceful patterns
as the crowd
bored
wanders away
one kid throws
the clichéd tomato
which the juggler
deftly adds to the pattern
playing to their backs
as they go
talking about how they
could really have done it
so much better


©2014-Art Belliveau