Simon Peter 04/18/10

there are some sins
that cannot be forgiven

on the night He was betrayed
He foretold me my sins
and i could not believe my ears

how could i ever deny
that i knew Him
loved Him
followed Him?

but
to my shame and agony
i did
three times i denied knowing Him
before that cursed cock crowed thrice

my heart was heavy laden as He was killed
heavy laden with His torture
and humiliation
heavy laden with His death
heavier with my betrayal of Him

when He arose
three days later
i knew awe
and joy
and love
and shame

how could i face Him?

how could i not?

never a word from Him
of reproach to me
never that look of disappointment
i feared so much

and though i would have thought
that it was impossible
for me to love Him more
feel more devoted to Him
i was wrong again

and then He called to us
from the shore of Lake Tiberias
he told us where to cast our nets
and
as always
He was right

i could not wait
for the boat to come to shore
i dove in and swam to Him
when the others came ashore
we ate breakfast
from the overflowing nets

and he asked me if i loved Him
without hesitation i said yes
and He told me to feed His lambs
i was confused
but determined to do
what He wanted me to do

then He asked again
with no rancor
with not even a change
in the tone of his voice
if i loved Him

the fear grew in me
that He doubted me
again i said yes
eager for Him
to believe me
at this he said for me
to tend His sheep

i, a fisherman, tend His sheep?
i did not know how i would obey Him
only that i would

so it was like a sword to my heart
when he looked me in the eye
held me steady with His gaze
and asked me a third time
if i did love Him

His doubt of me burned
worse than the sun
on a cloudless day at sea
how could i convince Him?

i told Him a third time
that as He knew everything
everything in the whole universe
He knew that i loved Him
i needed Him to know

and He never looked from my eyes
as He told me to tend His sheep
and in His eyes is saw the truth of it

three times i denied Him
three times i betrayed Him
and now
through His repeated question
He offered me redemption

He warned the road
would not be easy
that i would be led down paths
i would not want to follow

then He said follow Me

without thought
with joy and eagerness
i did follow Him
and knew i always would

©2010-Art Belliveau